lunes, 10 de agosto de 2009

Tall tale

It may be a surprise, considering all my posts about how frightened I get when I see people my age with babies, but I love kids. If I could, I'd listen to kids talk all day because they say the most ridiculous shit with 100% conviction.

Today I was minding my own business walking my dogs in my backyard. We have a creek back there, which, of course, attracts every child under the age of 10 in the neighborhood even though it is probably the lamest creek on earth. The dogs soon started barking like idiots and I noticed 2 boys exploring the wilderness of North Raleigh. They looked up and inevitably saw me and my two bitches staring at them.

"Can we pet the dogs?"

How can you turn down a polite young boy like that? Answer: You can't. The two of them came running through the thick of trees and into the yard. Of course, Rosie stopped barking immediately and became a dirty tramp, rolling over to allow these young men to pet her belly and see her lady parts. Deuce was a bit more hesitant, but the dogs' behavior is beside the point (the one where I talk about how much bullshit children talk).

Somehow the one little guy got to talking about a pipe that he found that dumped into the stream. I'm sure for an eight-year-old this is fascinating... He then delves into this detailed but fully false story, which I will attempt to relay in the first person:

Note: Please ignore this child's ADD.

My friend watches my house while my family goes out of town. I went to the beach last weekend. We share walkie-talkies that, if I left this solar system, he could still hear me... He said that when I talked to him on the walkie-talkie from the beach, all of a sudden water started gushing from the [aforementioned found] pipe.

How does one react when a young child retells this "story" of a magical pipe in my backyard? "You're a f*cking liar" wouldn't be an appropriate response, so I just gave a nice "Wow" and held back the laughter that I really wanted to release. They soon ran back into the woods after telling me lots of other juicy tidbits, like the time they found a deer skull or how much bigger their dog is than mine and it's only a puppy (quality over quantity, boo).

Point of this story is just that I love how kids can make up something so incredibly outlandish but believe it with all of their hearts, so much so that they would tell a complete stranger. In a world where everything has to be so got-damn accurate, this moment in my little backyard made me wish I was five again, a time when I could lie and make my life interesting without any repercussions. Now, telling people I have a hot boyfriend and an enviable life just elicits roaring laughter and stone throwing. Take me back!!

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