John C. Mayer.
If you know me, you know that my obsession with John Mayer is deep-rooted. It began in high school, when my sister drove me to school. At first, we made fun of the song "No Such Thing," (imitating the part where he goes into falsetto on "top of maaah lungs"), but she ended up buying the CD (thanks to a weird ex-bf) and we listened to it religiously on the drive. After that, I became absolutely OB-SE-SS-ED with all things John for some reason, mostly his seXXXy lips and even seXXXier lyrics. I joined his fan club, I bought every song with him featured (even just on guitar), I bought tons of concert tickets... the list goes on. My friends even called me to make sure I was okay when the news broke about him and J. Simpson... I'm basically a freak about John.
So, you can imagine how excited I was when I found out about his work on his new album, Battle Studies. I stalked the site, stalked his Twitter... just generally stalked the man. I couldn't wait after the eargasm that was Continuum, his last CD. I bet you can't even BELIEVE how excited I was when it showed up on both my Twitter and Facebook feeds that the first single, "Who Says," was streaming live on his website.
I had to refrain from jizzing-in-my-pants as the page loaded.... the stream started... the guitar strummed and my future (and probably unwilling) baby daddy started to sing.
And all I could do was drop my jaw.
I didn't like the song.
My first instinct is that this song is a joke. Lyrics like, "I don't remember you looking any better / But then again I don't remember you" don't seem true to the form of brooding John. I also don't really like all the refs to "getting stoned"... I really have no problem at all with weed; I don't fear the reefer whatsoever. But I hate that it's in JOHN MAYER'S song. Jesus, John, you're not Lil' Wayne... you cannot sing a song about marijuana. I hate it. I also hate how it's so bland and the guitar part sounds like one of John's most heartfelt songs EVER, "Stop this Train." I hope this doesn't taint that beaute for me.
Now, don't get me wrong -- I'm still holding out hope, like I said, that this song is a spoof or a joke, and it won't be on the actual album. I'm also hoping that if my first fear is, in fact, realized, that the rest of the album might make up for this misstep. I heard a clip of another song, "Half of my Heart," and I totes popped a B over it.
But really, John... "Who Says" is not cutting it. Please be punking us all....